Thursday, November 6, 2008

Gears of War 2: Proposal of Purchase


You should purchase the upcoming XBOX 360 game, ‘Gears of War 2’. The following proposal will detail why purchasing Gears of War 2 is the correct and only logical choice. After reading this proposal, if there is any doubt in the reader’s mind as to purchase the game or not, the only possible explanation is that the reader is, in fact, clinically insane. In the event the reader is deemed ‘clinically insane,’ the authorities will be contacted and appropriate action will be taken.


For the insignificant price of $59.99, you can be a proud owner of one of this year’s blockbuster games. Gears of War 2 will not disappoint. With a full campaign, co-op campaign, and multiplayer functionality, this game has the potential to be great. Also, if you don’t get this game, you’re a nub, so grow a pair. Listed below are just a few of the many reasons to purchase Gears2.

Co-op campaign – The co-op campaign is one of the main draws of the game. Instead of a co-op campaign like halo where you really don’t rely on your teammates for re-spawning, strategy, etc… Gears2 requires teammates to depend on each other much more. Teammates can draw fire, flank the enemy, and lay down covering fire on your quest to reclaim your crumbling world. And only a fellow gears may revive a fallen comrade and bring him back to the fight.

Finishing Moves – Beyond what was in the original Gears game, there are now additional finishing moves in the game. Each finishing move you pull will not only give you a boost of adrenaline, but demoralize your enemy into submission. So the next time you bring the enemy to his knees, stroll over to his collapsed body and go American History X on his ass.

Achievements – Let’s face it, who doesn’t want to boost your gamer score to a respectable level. Gears2 just happens to have 1000 of those handy little points up for grabs. So stretch out your arm and reach for that golden ring!

Headshots – There is usually nothing significant about the Headshot beyond the fact that it takes skill on the part of the player. However, Gears2 delivers yet more satisfaction from pulling off this challenging endeavor. After performing a headshot with the Longshot sniper rifle, you can try to figure out where your target’s head went off to in such a hurry, but it may be difficult to discern from the explosion of blood coinciding with the collapse of the now lifeless body.

Meat Shields – Yes you read correctly, a new feature in Gears2 will allow you to pick up bodies and use them as human shields as you run into battle, devastating all that lay between you and your objective.

Chainsaw Gun – enough said.

Additional Comments
  • Don’t be a nub – It’s a fact that being a n00b is directly correlated with the following:
    o Haberdashery
    o Being a momma’s boy
    o Erectile Dysfunction
    o Low resale value on your house
    o Endless ridicule
    o Moderate to severe headaches
    o Disownment from friends
    o Night terrors
    o Lack of respect from small children
    o Senility

  • Fact – Bears eat beets. Bears… Beets… Battlestar Galactica.

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