The Obvious Truth

Videogames are to blame for every teenager’s problems!

This is obviously a ridiculous statement, but some believe it to be true. It seems that every time a troubled teen commits a crime and that teen happens to play videogames, everyone just assumes that there can only be one logical reason: videogames made him do it.

“Did you hear, some boy stole a car and wrecked it after a police chase?”
“He must have learned that from GTA IV…”

A few months ago, a boy accidentally shot himself in the head with a rifle and people claimed it was because since he played Halo, he must have been pretending he was in the game and would respawn. It most certainly wasn’t because he was a young boy who hadn’t taken gun safety courses. Who knew looking down the barrel of a gun and pulling the trigger would result in death?

Another case just came up where a 17 year old shot both his parents in the head, killing his mother, because they wouldn’t let him play Halo (story here). The judge stated that he firmly believes that the teen wasn’t aware that what he was doing would result in his parents’ death. This is simply ignorance on a level that astounds me. People need to stop deflecting their responsibilities and own up to their failures. If videogames aren’t appropriate for kids, the parents need to step up. When the next game comes out where the main character single-handedly kills thousands of evil creatures, maybe you shouldn’t buy that game for little 8 year old Timmy. Games have ratings for a reason.

The father who was shot in the head by his son said that his son walked into their bedroom and asked his parents to close their eyes and wait for a surprise. Where in any of the Halo games does Master Chief go into his parents’ bedroom and shoot them? Time to face reality- you’re just a crappy parent.

Norton.. Pwnage Edition

It horrifies me that corporations would do this. How dare they use our coveted word. 'Pwn' is sacred to gamers and the fact that a corporation as big as Symantec would use it for marketing reasons is slightly revolting. Sure it means that the gaming industry has made it to mainstream, but is that really a good thing? Soon every douchebag that needs to be with the 'in' crowd will say it! Unfortunately, it may be time to retire this glorious word... before it is transformed into a vile, horrid shell of what it once was. I really hope 'pwn' and all of its glorious forms doesn't become as overused as 'FAIL'.



For those of you that can’t read the image- get glasses. Or simply go to Symantec’s website and scroll over “Norton Gaming” on the lower right.

Oh, and nice generic Master Chief in the picture, Norton… Have I said ‘I hate you’ yet today?

Halo

Considering I am waiting in a pre-game lobby for BLaZE so we can play some Halo, I figured now would be a good time to post about what has been something of an obsession for me since the good ‘ol days of college. I was first introduced to Halo way back in freshman year by BLaZE. I started out as one may expect; a complete nub with no concept of the game mechanics. I was the bottom of the totem pole. However, I quickly found myself rising up the ranks. I passed a lot of good men on the way, Blue, Gecko, Trent Lott, and even Ball Cancer. Soon I was in the upper echelon with my creator: BLaZE. Since we were both so good at the game, we were generally on opposing teams. With our competitive nature, this lead to a lot of animosity, but I don’t want to get into that now. What I will get into is how much I miss the original Halo: Combat Evolved.

In college, we would stay up for hours playing Halo. After every game we’d all rush out to the hallway (pretty much everyone on our wing in the dorm played) for a post-game discussion. Life was good. I can remember all it would take was one person to start up their Xbox and play the Halo theme song. Soon 10 or so friends would be crowded around the door… or loading their Xboxes to join the game.

It just hasn’t been the same since the days of Halo: Combat Evolved. I think some of it is that my friends aren’t across the hall anymore and we can’t LAN. But there is also the evolution the game has taken. When Halo 2 came out, a lot of the game dynamics changed, and Halo 3 just solidified it. Granted I still enjoy the games, but it doesn’t compare. I think that Bungie has taken the skill out of the game. In Halo, if you were surrounded by 3 or 4 guys and were by yourself, you could easily emerge victorious if you had a steady aim. The game took skill. Since, it has been a downward spiral of suck. Bungie calls it “Equalization,” I call it pandering to the n00bs. They have adopted a ‘spray and pray’ tactic that has worked so well in the past. Hell, the US used that tactic in the Vietnam War, and look how that turned out. Now if you have a head to head battle, and you come out on top, your shields are most certainly gone and anyone that can send a few bullets your way will get a free kill.

I have a solution: Bungie, develop multiplayer over Xbox Live for Halo: Combat Evolved. I will never need another multiplayer Xbox game again. I'll be in the green pastures of Blood Gulch.

Achievement Whore vs. Completionist

The other day my friend Diaz called me something that hit a nerve. He called me an ‘Achievement Whore’. For the unaware, this term has been coined by some to represent gamers who have fully embraced the achievement system of the Xbox 360. Although it does describe some gamers, I don’t believe it describes me at all.

Achievement (noun): a result gained by effort.
Whore (noun): a venal or unscrupulous person.
Achievement Whore: One who gains a result by effort of venal or unscrupulous methods.

I believe a term that better describes my gaming habits is the word ‘Completionist’.

Completion (noun): the act or process of completing.
ist (noun suffix): One that performs a specified action.
Completionist: One that performs the act or process of completing.

Besides the obvious negative connotation that the phrase ‘Achievement Whore’ carries, I don’t believe it accurately reflects the way I view gaming. An Achievement Whore is someone that would do anything to gain achievements. They live off strategy guides word-for-word, they use cheat codes, and they even play through the game ‘King Kong’. They do everything physically possible to get that extra 5 points.

I will admit, I do play to the same end, but with a different means. Even before achievements, I always wanted to finish games. I wanted to finish the storyline, any side quests, and unlock any unlockables available. I’ve always strived to get the most out of my gaming. When achievements arrived with the 360, it was only natural that I would want to get all the achievements as well. However I am not willing to sacrifice my gaming experience by playing awful games I don’t enjoy just for the quick 1000 points it may gain me.

Am I an Achievement Whore who is trying to save face, or am I truly a Completionist as described? I believe I am the latter, but I suppose you can make your own decisions.

Gears of War 2: Proposal of Purchase

Summary

You should purchase the upcoming XBOX 360 game, ‘Gears of War 2’. The following proposal will detail why purchasing Gears of War 2 is the correct and only logical choice. After reading this proposal, if there is any doubt in the reader’s mind as to purchase the game or not, the only possible explanation is that the reader is, in fact, clinically insane. In the event the reader is deemed ‘clinically insane,’ the authorities will be contacted and appropriate action will be taken.

Proposal

For the insignificant price of $59.99, you can be a proud owner of one of this year’s blockbuster games. Gears of War 2 will not disappoint. With a full campaign, co-op campaign, and multiplayer functionality, this game has the potential to be great. Also, if you don’t get this game, you’re a nub, so grow a pair. Listed below are just a few of the many reasons to purchase Gears2.

Co-op campaign – The co-op campaign is one of the main draws of the game. Instead of a co-op campaign like halo where you really don’t rely on your teammates for re-spawning, strategy, etc… Gears2 requires teammates to depend on each other much more. Teammates can draw fire, flank the enemy, and lay down covering fire on your quest to reclaim your crumbling world. And only a fellow gears may revive a fallen comrade and bring him back to the fight.

Finishing Moves – Beyond what was in the original Gears game, there are now additional finishing moves in the game. Each finishing move you pull will not only give you a boost of adrenaline, but demoralize your enemy into submission. So the next time you bring the enemy to his knees, stroll over to his collapsed body and go American History X on his ass.

Achievements – Let’s face it, who doesn’t want to boost your gamer score to a respectable level. Gears2 just happens to have 1000 of those handy little points up for grabs. So stretch out your arm and reach for that golden ring!

Headshots – There is usually nothing significant about the Headshot beyond the fact that it takes skill on the part of the player. However, Gears2 delivers yet more satisfaction from pulling off this challenging endeavor. After performing a headshot with the Longshot sniper rifle, you can try to figure out where your target’s head went off to in such a hurry, but it may be difficult to discern from the explosion of blood coinciding with the collapse of the now lifeless body.

Meat Shields – Yes you read correctly, a new feature in Gears2 will allow you to pick up bodies and use them as human shields as you run into battle, devastating all that lay between you and your objective.

Chainsaw Gun – enough said.


Additional Comments

• Don’t be a nub – It’s a fact that being a n00b is directly correlated with the following:
  o Haberdashery
  o Being a momma’s boy
  o Erectile Dysfunction
  o Low resale value on your house
  o Endless ridicule
  o Moderate to severe headaches
  o Disownment from friends
  o Night terrors
  o Lack of respect from small children
  o Senility


• Fact – Bears eat beets. Bears… Beets… Battlestar Galactica.